Silver lining after a dark summer

In the months after my diagnosis, I went through many disturbing emotions and thoughts that needed to be faced and dealt with. But at the same time something new inside of me slowly developed, a new sense of clarity about who I am and also a renewed appreciation for being alive, realizing the finality of life, enabling me to be more focused on important and positive things. Continue reading

In the blink of an eye, everything can change

When I got sick in the middle of December 2012, it hit me so hard I was a bit scared by the intensity of it. It started like all colds typically start in my body, with a sore throat, moving into congestion and then coughing. Only this time I could feel from the beginning that it was a big one, the cold shivers came very quickly and they were so intense I didn’t feel warm even under three thick blankets. And then the body aches came, my muscles and my back started hurting so much I felt like I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had already been bound to bed for almost a week when I also started to get a fever, which I hadn’t had since my teenage time. I got worried and called a doctor to come see me. He told me it was just a virus going around and that he was seeing it a lot these days. And so I didn’t suspect anything more than that either. Continue reading

A fateful night – or how it all started

It was a dark moment on a dark November day 2012 when my life was set to change. At least for the time being my body was bound to experience change. I didnt know about my infection until 6 months later. The guy I got the HIV from wasn’t a random date, we had been seeing each other for nearly half a year being regular sexual partners. We said we weren’t exclusive due to him having to travel a lot for work and also because we weren’t in a romantic relationship. Still, neither I nor I believe him had a lot of other partners during that time.

Being a gay man, I grew up always being reminded of the disease and always faced with the issue of safer sex. Anal sex in the passive role bears the highest risk of all sexual practices for a HIV transmission because of the sensibility of the inner intestinal wall. And so the doom and fear of getting infected came along with discovering my sexuality. It was the early 90s and the news and TV were full of horrific images of AIDS victims dying and their dreadful suffering. All of which burned themselves into my young mind. Continue reading


Hi and welcome to my blog in which I will share from my life with HIV, my experiences with it, my worries, questions, the problems I encounter but also what I am doing about it.

I decided to create this blog for a couple of reasons: One is to help me, through writing, deal with the infection, which was diagnosed this spring. The other being that I want to share what I’m experiencing and also what I am learning about this condition. HIV still is a taboo for many people and the advancement of the medical therapies available has somewhat gotten it out of the awareness in society. This is also why I want to blog about it. It’s a disease, and no one should be scared to talk about it. Continue reading